i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
