I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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