the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
