I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
