I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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