At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
