Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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