giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
