and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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