you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We just shotgunned beers for America
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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