sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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