Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
