my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
