Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
