DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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