Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
