Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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