have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
