also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
