Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
accomplished twins. life is a go
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
