My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
