Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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