at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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