I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
