that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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