I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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