well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
