If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
