I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
