People in love make me want to vomit
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
