when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
