Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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