Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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