If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you win again, gameday.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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