I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
