his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
