Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
