Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize