So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
