I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
