please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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