did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
