I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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