I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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