I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
