she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
