TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
