i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
