I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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