I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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