so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
