Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
