help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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