ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
