What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize