FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
