She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize