Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
