My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
