yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My ass is underappreciated
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
