I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
