And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize