This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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