But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
