The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
