how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
