We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
