dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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